Daniel - Life in Community

February 18, 2008 “That’s a lot of estrogen”

Saturday, February 16: I sit in my living room, wrapped in a blanket, eating chocolate and watching a romantic comedy with four green-faced women. No, they have not all come down with the flu or a bad case of food poisoning, but rather, all have decided to indulge their skin with avocado-based face masks.

The wait is over—I have decided to spill the beans on my life living with five women. With a female to male ratio in the East this year of nearly four to one, it was bound to happen. In fact, it’s occurred twice this year, with Boston sporting a house of five girls to one guy. You’re my boy, Chris.

Monday, February 18: Jim Carey is appearing on Oprah today as I write this blog. He scans the audience and declares, “That’s a lot of estrogen.” His reaction takes me to last summer when I received the Newark community bios in the mail, which read: Alison, Francesca, Jacqueline, Jenna, Claire and Daniel. –You said it Jim, “That’s a lot of estrogen.”

When I inform people that I live with five women - it doesn’t matter if they’re family or friends, male or female - the reaction is always the same. “Ooohhh, man!?!? How is that? That’s got to be rough.” This is accompanied with a look of sympathy, disbelief and a little bit of horror. It’s as if I just told people that I was living with a pack of wild, ravenous wolves.

I can tell you right now that the women I live with are---brace yourself---normal people. Five women living under one roof do not turn into a vicious monster. Actually they turn into five—kidding. I honestly thought that I was in for a rude awakening. I grew up with four brothers and two sisters. The television was dominated by Oakland A’s baseball, Notre Dame football and ESPN. Testosterone prevailed. When I received the roommate list, I pictured God snickering. I felt as though I was entering the female version of “How the Other Half Lives.”

When I think about living in community with five women, the image that comes into my head is of us talking. I know it sounds common, but that’s it. We talk during breakfast, at work through emails, g-chat and phone calls. After work, during rides home, in the living room before dinner, for well over an hour during and after dinner we are talking. Ohh—and how could I ever forget pillow talk?

If you find yourself in a similar situation, get ready for a marathon of talking and listening. A helpful hint: don’t just listen with a blank stare and nod of the head…it doesn’t count. Be ready to offer advice, insight and your feelings on an endless list of topics, including: news, weather, celebrities, men, male and female stereotypes, feminism, books, men, bras, clothing, movies, doing dishes, not doing dishes, men, music, siblings, relationships, families, parents, ex-boyfriends, boys that happen to be friends and of course, the boys we want to be more than friends.

But—isn’t that what people do? We talk about issues in our lives, things on our mind, people we like, we don’t like, what happened during our day, insecurities we battle and compliments we try our best to believe. We are people; communication is our tool---male, female, it doesn’t matter.

So—when I tell people that it is going well, this is the image I have. I like the talking and I am learning to appreciate the level of description that goes into stories. Now, I know I might be walking the dangerous line of gender stereotypes, but what I am learning is that women are all about detail. A story’s minute aspects are dissected, prodded, rolled over, turned upside down and inside out over and over again.

I’m learning. They have been patient with me and I with them. We are people. We are a community.

Learn more about Daniel here.

Gisella - Lessons I learned at AFG

It has been six months since I started working at Alternatives for Girls (AFG) and after all this time has passed, I could not see myself anywhere else. AFG is a shelter for homeless women aged 15-21. My job requires a lot of energy and flexibility because I never know when one of my clients will need something from me. As a case planner I assist the young ladies under my care in managing their lives. (At the same time, I am attempting to manage my own!) Even though my clients don’t realize it, we are both trying to make the most out of our lives, and so we can help each other to grow.

I have learned many valuable lessons while working with these homeless young ladies. First of all they have taught me that being present to them and their needs can be enough for them. Sometimes I wish I could do something when my clients come and talk to me about all their problems but as one of my clients told me, the fact that I can be there for them, to hear them when they need me, is enough. This has been a difficult lesson because I wish I could do something tangible, something that I can see helps to take their pain away. However, thanks to my client, I have learned that by being present I am doing a lot, even if I don’t realize it at first.

Another thing I have learned is the real value of sharing. I always thought I knew what sharing meant until I had a profound experience with one of my clients. One day when I was assisting my client with an online job search, I mentioned I was hungry, not expecting any response. Without hesitation my client said she had her Bridge card (food stamps card) with her, and that she would walk to the store a block away to buy me some food. I told her not to worry about it, but in my mind I couldn’t help but think how a young lady who has only $155 a month for food was willing to spend it on me when I said I was hungry, even though that act of kindness might mean she would have no food the next day. I thought about this incident for a while and wondered if I would have done the same. I was ashamed to realize that I would probably not have made the same offer. This young lady taught me a lesson on the value of sharing that I will never forget.

One final lesson I have learned from working at AFG is the value of being part of the daily lives of the people I serve. Due to the loss of some grants I had to work an RA shift in the homeless shelter. At first I was a little hesitant about it because the shift includes staying until 10pm on Thursday nights. What I didn’t realize was how much I would end up loving being an RA for the girls. Because I stay with them throughout one full day I am able to share with them in meals, playing games and the task I love the most: taking care of babies J. When I came to the shelter there were 5 pregnant ladies and now all the babies are born. It is such a blessing to be part of their lives, to be able to feed them, burp them (yes, babies need to be burped often – who knew!), read to them and even become mother number four to a very special baby. Kenyon is the baby of the first young lady I met as I started my job; it is for that reason that I feel such a strong connection with him. He is now a big baby, 5 months old, and yesterday we had his first photo session eating real food!!! Enjoy the pictures of my babies that bring so much joy to my JVC life.

Learn more about Gisella here.