Wow. It’s tough to try and sum up a year of my life in a short blog. I just returned from Dis-orientation, and Orientation feels so long ago. I guess that is a good place to start. When I arrived at Orientation, I completely freaked out. I knew my parents had met through JVC, but beyond that, I didn't know a lot about their experience. However, at Orientation, I realized so much of my childhood stemmed from this program (hence the freaking out). I grew up with agenda meetings, occasional spirituality nights, and anywhere from two to eight other housemates living with my family of nine.
I think the other part of my freaking out was that I felt as though this was one of the first things I did that really paralleled my parents' lives. Before JVC, I had participated in multiple "programs" and spent substantial time abroad. My parents were always 100% supportive of me, and yet, at the same time, I had felt that they didn't completely know or understand what it was that I was doing. And then there I was, at Orientation, thinking about my parents at my age at their own Orientation. Did they have any idea what the year would bring? Did they know that it would result in a lifetime together?
The way my life was paralleling my parents made me feel vulnerable and less independent. I subsequently emailed my parents and told them that I needed some space to absorb what was going on and that I would call them in a month. Which, luckily, they were mostly understanding about (well my mom was very understanding, and my dad called me at work on my second day.)
I didn't exactly understand my own reaction, but I knew I needed that space. In retrospect, I think I needed to delve into JVC in my own way, and truly decide for myself what the year would mean to me. And, while I know so much of who I am stems from my parents, I needed to fully explore that on my own. What roles do I want spirituality, simplicity, social justice, and community to play in my life? How would my understanding of these values evolve over the year?
As I look back over this experience, there is so much I am thankful for. The lessons I have learned from my clients, the mentors I have found in my workplace, the opportunity to pray with others, and the constant support we receive. Some of the greatest gifts have been things I wanted to happen-a reconciliation with Catholicism, the breadth of knowledge and skills I have gained in my workplace, being humbled, and finally having an excuse for my own cheapness. And some of the greatest gifts have come from things I was adamant I didn't want to happen- dating a fellow JV, having my housemates be my main group of friends, and moving mid-year.
As I sat at Dis-Orientation last weekend, it felt so strange to by saying good-bye to all this. And I realized that was because JVC is not just a program I am doing; it has become my life. And now suddenly somebody was taking that away from me - my job, my co-workers, my housemates, and my home - and I sort of want to say “wait a minute, you can’t have this.”
But my JVC year is coming to an end, and so I have been thinking about how I want to continue from here. JVC has given me ample time to examine myself, and also to examine myself within the context of the four values. I have been blessed this year to see so many different ways these values can manifest.
I would like to say I have been "ruined for life" by JVC, but I don't think it is a direct result of this year. I’ve pretty much been “ruined” since birth, and for that I have my parents to thank. What I have realized this year is that I want those values to not just be a part of my life, but I want them to be a conscious, intentional part. And I hope my understanding of them will constantly evolve. I don't know that I'll ever be able to fully answer the question as to how I want the JVC values to play out in my life, but I hope I never stop asking the question.
** In regards to the photos, the first is of my parents during their JVC year (30 years ago!). The second is me laughing with my favorite attorneys/co-workers.**
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