Matt - Life in LA

When I learned I was moving to Los Angeles, I didn’t expect glamour and celebrities at every corner. I didn’t picture fancy dinners on the Sunset Strip or sipping $13 cocktails by the beach in Orange Country. I certainly didn’t imagine making a lot of money – after all, the word “volunteer” isn’t in so fine a print in the job description. The day I made my decision and signed that contract, I thought I had a pretty good idea of the things I would be giving up and saying “no” to by accepting a year a Jesuit Volunteer.

What I didn’t expect was just how much I would be given or how much would be expected of me. [I find the things I miss most about Boston and love about L.A. are different than what I thought they’d be.]

In many ways, my life includes your typical 9-5 workday and time at home with my roommates. On the surface, it appears to be only that: paperwork, meetings, and commuter traffic, chores, waiting for the bathroom, and watching TV. But my work is so much more than a job and my roommates aren’t just people I share a roof with. Together, my placement and my community breathe life into my experience.

At work, I am challenged on a daily basis to reexamine my faith and it how it shapes the way I see the world around me. My clients are former gang members, convicted criminals, and people who I would have grown silent as I passed three months ago. Today, I am asked to get to know them, listen to their stories, and work with them without judgment. You see, I work with the robber and the robbed, the victim and the victimizer. Almost all of my clients have been shot or shot at, and several more have used a gun themselves.

Sometimes the stories are difficult to hear and I almost wish I didn’t know what my clients have been through, witnessed, or done. But then I remember that for many of my clients, this is the first time they’re telling anyone not wearing a badge, suit, or robe such events of their life.

It’s been a lesson in listening, and humility.

Coming home from my placement isn’t the end of my day, but the beginning of an equally important part of life as a JV: community living. Living in community is different than living with roommates. You share a living space with roommates, but in intentional community your living space becomes a living space. Its very function is to breathe life into a place that for too many of us is a place of only seclusion and sleep. We eat together, pray together, share struggles with work and relationships, and, perhaps most importantly, keep one another from getting too comfortable.

The weather and the schedule are adjustments, for sure, but it’s the demand of my placement and community that I’m most challenged by – and most grateful for. Though I’m worn our by the time my head finally hits the pillow, I go to sleep grateful that my exhaustion comes from exercising not only my body and mind hard at work but my heart and soul when I’m at home.

These are the early goings of one Jesuit Volunteer. I look forward to continuing the conversation.

Paz,
Matty

Matt Carroll is a blogger for Jesuit Volunteer Corps. He welcomes questions and comments at Matthew.carroll.86@gmail.com.

Kate - Moving On

Wow. It’s tough to try and sum up a year of my life in a short blog. I just returned from Dis-orientation, and Orientation feels so long ago. I guess that is a good place to start. When I arrived at Orientation, I completely freaked out. I knew my parents had met through JVC, but beyond that, I didn't know a lot about their experience. However, at Orientation, I realized so much of my childhood stemmed from this program (hence the freaking out). I grew up with agenda meetings, occasional spirituality nights, and anywhere from two to eight other housemates living with my family of nine.

I think the other part of my freaking out was that I felt as though this was one of the first things I did that really paralleled my parents' lives. Before JVC, I had participated in multiple "programs" and spent substantial time abroad. My parents were always 100% supportive of me, and yet, at the same time, I had felt that they didn't completely know or understand what it was that I was doing. And then there I was, at Orientation, thinking about my parents at my age at their own Orientation. Did they have any idea what the year would bring? Did they know that it would result in a lifetime together?

The way my life was paralleling my parents made me feel vulnerable and less independent. I subsequently emailed my parents and told them that I needed some space to absorb what was going on and that I would call them in a month. Which, luckily, they were mostly understanding about (well my mom was very understanding, and my dad called me at work on my second day.)

I didn't exactly understand my own reaction, but I knew I needed that space. In retrospect, I think I needed to delve into JVC in my own way, and truly decide for myself what the year would mean to me. And, while I know so much of who I am stems from my parents, I needed to fully explore that on my own. What roles do I want spirituality, simplicity, social justice, and community to play in my life? How would my understanding of these values evolve over the year?

As I look back over this experience, there is so much I am thankful for. The lessons I have learned from my clients, the mentors I have found in my workplace, the opportunity to pray with others, and the constant support we receive. Some of the greatest gifts have been things I wanted to happen-a reconciliation with Catholicism, the breadth of knowledge and skills I have gained in my workplace, being humbled, and finally having an excuse for my own cheapness. And some of the greatest gifts have come from things I was adamant I didn't want to happen- dating a fellow JV, having my housemates be my main group of friends, and moving mid-year.

As I sat at Dis-Orientation last weekend, it felt so strange to by saying good-bye to all this. And I realized that was because JVC is not just a program I am doing; it has become my life. And now suddenly somebody was taking that away from me - my job, my co-workers, my housemates, and my home - and I sort of want to say “wait a minute, you can’t have this.”

But my JVC year is coming to an end, and so I have been thinking about how I want to continue from here. JVC has given me ample time to examine myself, and also to examine myself within the context of the four values. I have been blessed this year to see so many different ways these values can manifest.

I would like to say I have been "ruined for life" by JVC, but I don't think it is a direct result of this year. I’ve pretty much been “ruined” since birth, and for that I have my parents to thank. What I have realized this year is that I want those values to not just be a part of my life, but I want them to be a conscious, intentional part. And I hope my understanding of them will constantly evolve. I don't know that I'll ever be able to fully answer the question as to how I want the JVC values to play out in my life, but I hope I never stop asking the question.

** In regards to the photos, the first is of my parents during their JVC year (30 years ago!). The second is me laughing with my favorite attorneys/co-workers.**

Learn about Kate here.

Kate - On Faith

I came to JVC seeking both reconciliation with the Catholic faith of my childhood and absolute fear that JVC would brainwash me into "becoming Catholic".

I was raised Catholic, but from a very social justice orientation. I attended gay right protests, woke up to migrant workers sleeping in our playroom, and by the 2nd grade had written a book on racism and sexism. At the same time, I did not make the connection between justice and faith. What I remember about faith was receiving a Bible in preparation for my First Communion and randomly flipping it open to the section about how a wife should obey her husband. I couldn't believe that this was the book everyone believed in. In my First Communion class, I also asked the teacher if we could change the Lord's prayer (not knowing you can't change it) to say as we TRY to forgive those who trespass against us, because we don't always forgive them. Religion and I were not off to a good start.

As I grew older, I drifted from Catholicism but maintained a belief in justice. I still considered myself a very spiritual person, but it was mostly a personal practice for me. When I thought of Christianity I immediately thought of anti-gay, anti women-rights, and generally close-minded people. I must admit that I came to JVC with these prejudices. At the same time, I believed so strongly in the four values, and I genuinely wanted reconciliation with Catholicism.

What I have loved about spirituality within JVC is that I feel as though I am given the space and the time to explore it fully. No one is telling me: "This is what you have to believe". Instead they are asking, "What is it you believe?" How do those beliefs sustain you? What can you do to go deeper into faith? I feel as though so often in our lives we are not given the time and space to ask these questions, and yet JVC asks that we do.

There are many different things I have come to understand about Catholicism this year. I have met so many incredible people who identify as Catholic or Christian, thus shattering my pre-conceived notions about what it means to be religious. I have loved the connection to social justice and the idea of approaching justice from a faith-based place. This connection is one of hope; and I feel that it is hope that ultimately allows me to keep doing this work even in moments of despair.

At the same time, I am not sure I want to identify as Catholic. Sometimes I go to Church and feel very much at peace, and other times I just get angry. Why would I want to be part of something that is telling me women are second-class citizens? Why would I want to be part of an institution that is against gay marriage? If I say I am Catholic, aren’t I automatically saying I am these things too?

I suppose as with any institution, the Catholic Church is not perfect. And it will never change if everyone who disagrees with it as a whole just chooses to leave. I can chose to either fight from the inside or from the outside. I can say: I am not Catholic because there are some issues I institutionally do not agree with and therefore do not want to be identified with, or I can say: I am Catholic, and I want others to understand that to be Catholic is ultimately about the people and the message and not necessarily the institution.

I haven't yet decided where I want to stand. I do know there is so much more I want to learn about Catholicism, and that I love having a community element to my spirituality. I suppose my reconciliation is this: to be Catholic should ultimately be a call to radically love. If you go to the Gospels, and look right at Jesus' message, it is pretty radical and beautiful. It is a call to love all people, to recognize their human dignity, and to especially recognize that in the people who have been marginalized by society. It is a message of hospitality and the idea that we are all family. And I personally don’t think you need to believe in Jesus to believe in these things. I think faith in something, whether it is god or humanity or this earth, ultimately should be a call to radically love one another.

Learn more about Kate here.

Kate - Life in Community

What do you get when you put a native Bostonian, a Cuban-American Miami girl, a Texas Christian graduate, a New Orleans Frat boy, a Northwest tree-loving chica and a son of Vietnamese immigrants in a four-bedroom apartment for a year? Your first guess may be “Real World: Volunteer,” but this is actually Jesuit Volunteer Corps. Welcome to my community.

I am having trouble articulating what it actually means to live in community. And I think every community is very unique (for example, we happen to have six very strong personalities; the advantage being a lack of passive-aggressiveness and no one being walked all over, the disadvantage being sometimes we are just, well, aggressive). I have tried New Orleans Crawdaddy delight and Cuban Rice and Beans, sat through many an agenda meeting, argued about levels of cleanliness and about who actually knows how to clean. We have our share of fun too – impromptu dance parties, lots of laughing, a Sunday spent taking a Christmas photo (Alana made us wear matching clothes) and making an Advent wreath, good discussions and girls’ nights, and jokes about our Tapestry-covered TV.

It is far easier to talk about community superficially. I think I entered this program being very excited about the community aspect of JVC; I was going to have an opportunity to live with people who must be similar to me; I mean, we all are probably coming from the same place in that we share these four values. That assumption was my mistake, and the fact that it is not true a blessing in disguise.

My housemates are the people most different from me that I have ever lived with. I have come to realize that while I do believe in the four pillars, the ways those beliefs are manifested is not the same for everyone. I think to fully grow from this experience you have to let go of your own notion of what spirituality or community or simplicity or social justice looks like, and be completely open to somebody else’s interpretation of it. I don’t believe that I have completely done that, but I do think it is the way to get the most out of this experience. Ego has to go, and the fact that I have spent a good portion of my life in community does not make me a better housemate than anyone else.

I feel both challenged and blessed by my community. I am incredibly grateful for these people and the gifts they bring (JT’s generosity and delicious desserts, Eric’s easygoingness and dance moves, Susie’s considerateness and outfits that only she could pull off, Alana’s friendliness and endless labeling/color-coding of our lives and Joe’s listening skills and Latin music). We have had our ups and downs, but at the end of the day I come home to a home where I feel safe, supported, and loved.

Learn more about Kate here.

Kate - On the Job

I work at the Lawyer’s Committee for Civil Rights, a non-profit law firm that offers free legal assistance in civil matters and litigates cases surrounding issues of race, class, and immigration. In the JVC application process, I applied for jobs very different from experiences I had already had, which is how I ended up with an office job in legal work as my first choice. I am much more of a direct services oriented person, but I am fascinated by law, and, while I do not see it as my career path, I do feel that it is an essential tool to social justice.

I also found it very hard to actually imagine the work you will be doing, day in and day out, based on the one paragraph descriptions you are given when choosing a job. I was explaining this frustration to my dad (why can’t we know more about the jobs that are about to determine a year of our lives), and he said that is part of the beauty of the experience: you are dedicating yourself to a year of service, and to whatever challenges and rewards that year brings.

These have been some of my challenges thus far:

· Getting use to an office job. This may not be difficult for a lot of people, but it is hard for me to sit still, so I frequently have to walk before, during, and after work to get rid of excess energy.

· Phone Connections. A lot of my interaction with people is on the phone, which is different than what I am used to. I sometimes feel as though I would prefer more direct one-on-one contact with clients because that is more emotionally draining and I want to be challenged. The lack of that contact is just due to the nature of the job. It is also good to realize all the non-direct work that needs to go on in order for direct services to be possible.

· Realizing sometimes you just can’t help, nor can you change systems that are unjust overnight. I have heard a multitude of life stories that echo this point, but there is not the space to write about them.

And these are some of the rewards:

· Personal Education. I feel as though I have learned so much about law and the challenges faced by people who are not listened to in society. Also, because I am not in constant contact with clients I have both the time and energy to really listen to their problems and sometimes I think listening is in itself a service.

· Great Supervision. By this I mean I was set-up to be successful, but at the same time, nobody is micro-managing, so I feel ownership in my work. Early on I mentioned my desire for more direct service to my supervisor, and was immediately given a list of projects I could work on that fit my needs. I feel as though my agency has gone out of their way to make sure I am happy here.

· The people I work with. Every single person in my office (18 staff) continually amazes me with their commitment to a better world, their humbleness, their work ethic, their ability to be light-hearted and yet still really care, and so much more. The first day I was told, “We’re like one big family here” and it really feels that way. Even though I am new here and here only for a year, people treat me as if I know just as much as anybody else (even though I don’t). I feel very lucky and grateful to work with such phenomenal people.

Learn more about Kate here.