Let me start with a Christmas admission, from under some Peruvian mistletoe. I have kissed more women in Latin America—way more—than I ever will in the United States. To start with, I have kissed every one of the profesoras at Cristo Rey, every señorita in my host family, many a married woman, all of my lucky female community-mates, a surprising number of nuns and Latin grannies, at least one member of the Jesuit Volunteers International (JVI) staff, quite a few strangers on the street, and maybe even a few women who didn´t deserve the Dermot mark of approval, but received it anyway. What can I say? I´m a generous guy.
If I were in the United States, between my personal and professional life, I would probably have violated every sexual harassment law in the country. But before JVI picks up the chastity hotline to put an end to the wanton lasciviousness of this philandering gringo, let me qualify comments made in the above paragraph with a note on cultural sensitivity. In Peru , you must kiss women when you meet them. To not do so is considered rude and highly impersonal. It is just one way I observe this country to be a much more "tactile" place. The people want—expect—more than a moribund and guarded handshake. They want the gift of your touch and are happy to give it, too.
Peru engenders none of the interpersonal distance that I see in the US. I recently learned that North Americans require an unoccupied space, 30 inches in diameter, to feel unthreatened and comfortable. You get within 1.5 feet of someone in the US and we reach for the mace. Down south, they think much less of it. Peruvians require you to give them a robust embrace, a passionate conversation, and an almost immediate closeness that would make many North Americans flee to a quiet and solitary refuge. So, if you plan on joining JVI Peru, get ready to pucker up: a Latin´s lips—and hips—never lie…at least in the opening salutation.
Before I continue, I should probably share with you the best way to kiss a Peruvian woman ( I never thought I´d use that line in the JVI blog). Stop laughing. Kissing is serious stuff in Peru . To effectively navigate this delicate maneuver, you must approach the Latina , embrace her, touch her right cheek to yours, and blow a kiss approximately toward her ear. Don´t blow the kiss too hard and make sure you don´t have spit in your mouth. You don´t want to give the poor girl a wet willy. Confront the task like a salsa dancer. Do it suavemente (smoothly) and she will be encantada (let´s say, very thankful).
Also, an important corollary: do not plant the kiss on her cheek with your lips. It took me about six months in Peru to realize that the platonic kiss is normally meant for the air, not the woman. A kiss on the cheek is a sign that you might be looking for passion in more than just the conversation. Oops! Mea culpa. I may have given some poor Hermanas de la Merced (Sisters of Mercy) the wrong idea on how I feel about their vow of celibacy.
Having given you a brief introduction to Latin philematology, let´s continue with more Peruvian rules of etiquette. When you arrive late (if that is possible in this country) and find a group of Peruvians has already arrived at an engagement, you must make sure to greet each of them individually. In these situations, the typical formation Peruvians adopt is what I call the "circle of death." Perhaps it´s a sociological curiosity endemic to this country, but when Peruvians mingle, they don´t form small groups like in the US; rather, they almost always create large circles where everyone can see everyone else and note which reproached Latina the gringo forgets to kiss. If I am going to end the night on good terms with all, I must proceed around the entire circle (at times, upwards of 30 people), making sure to kiss the women and embrace the men. This process can be more involved, prolonged, and subtle than Middle East peacekeeping. Moreover, if you get it wrong, the Latinas might forgive, but they will never forget.
I probably have kissing on the brain in this blog, because, today, I gave some of my longest anticipated kisses of the year. My family touched down in Tacna´s Airport at 7:20 AM today (but who was counting the hours?). You can be damn sure that my mom and two sisters benefited greatly from the great kissing education I received during the past year. Needless to say, this Christmas will be very special for me, as it will be one in which I get to share my gringo family with the Peruvian one which has adopted me during the past year. I am excited to continue with another year of JVI and am already feeling refreshed from the energy boost my family has given me.
In my last blog, I promised a rebuttal to Ivan Illich´s indictment of volunteer programs . Sorry to disappoint, but I´m not ready to offer it up, yet. I´ll make it a New Years resolution to tackle these issues, after a long conversation with my parents.
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1 comment:
I enjoyed your last post; reads like your cheek is well grounded in Peru; very joyful.
If you still have time to muse, I pass along a few bits of memory stirred up by your post.
As an instructor Ivan gave great freedom. I remember putting my pencil and paper away when during one lecture he said, “Don’t take notes; write down your tangential thoughts.”
And, during one of his Penn State lectures of the early 1990’s, I remember him saying to the effect that it would be wonderful to explore / write the “History of the Kiss”. I don’t know that anyone has taken this up but it sounds like you have gotten a good start.
Also, he said, “Be artists.”, so a purely scientific investigation of the Kiss would be incomplete if not dull.
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